The wrong direction.... sigh.

Ok, so. I started this blog to chronicle my journey to getting back in shape. I must say that so far it's been going pretty smooth... the running was coming back relatively easily, the weight was coming off, the energy was getting back to normal levels (even though I haven't slept a full night yet...)-- until now. I got on the scale last night and I've GAINED WEIGHT... WHAT??? 3 lbs according to my bathroom beast. UUGGHHHHH, the little red marker that notes my weight is only supposed to move the other way. That sucks. So, last night as I was feeding Evan I was thinking about why... and this is what I've come up with.

1. First and foremost... I've been eating A LOT. Ultimately, weight loss boils down to calories burned are greater than calories consumed. I think that I've been lulled into a false sense of weight loss bliss because of nursing. I CAN NOT eat whatever I want... I can not eat cookies all day long... I can not eat an entire Dos burrito... I can not eat a Habit Burger with cheese... no- not if I want to lose the rest of this weight. (Plus the three I just gained...).

2. I've been distracted. I didn't meet my goals last week, which is a total bummer. I only ran 9 miles (I did take the dog out though), I didn't do Cindy, and I didn't even have the motivation to look for a race to train for. This makes me mad at myself. Why didn't I accomplish these goals I set for myself? Not that these are excuses, but this is what contributed to my delinquency: Averie had an ear infection- which meant even less sleep than I usually get on Monday and Tuesday. I was busy, or at least I felt busy... doing what, I don't exactly know. I felt the need to thoroughly clean my house. I was STRESSED, which makes me really mad, because running generally helps to keep my stress level down... but worrying about finances, work, etc., really had me feeling overwhelmed.

3. I think I was a little depressed. Since it turned to March, I've been thinking about how it's already been a year since my Noni died. Truthfully, I have not fully let myself think about her being gone because I've been slightly emotional (given the huge hormonal fluctuations I've had...) since she died. So, now it's been a year, I haven't even been out to visit her and I'm still not ready... and it just makes me blue. Running usually helps me through the blues, when they set in-- although I would say that I'm mostly a yellowish-greenish kinda person. Running makes me feel better mentally and physically-- but I have to have the motivation to get out there and make myself better. It's what works for me.

And I just haven't had the motivation, but I HAVE to get it back... I have to force it back. Make myself a priority, because I will not be happy if the first 10 days of March turn into the first 20 days of March which could easily turn into the month of March.... ugh.

Today was a good start. I met my dad in Davis and we went for a run, 3.5ish miles with one stop in the middle so Averie could pet the horses. I did Cindy on Monday and wasn't super sore... so that's good news for me-- although I didn't do any of the abs... and I'm already planning my next run. Hopefully before I head back to work next Wednesday (I took on two days per week for the next 3 months... wish me luck!) I'll have gotten rid of these extra 3 lbs and then I'll only have to focus on the remainder of the baby weight.......

Goals for this week:
1. Run 10 miles
2. Do Cindy (again?)
3. Find a race to train for... for real this week!

I've left out a dog centered goal for this week. I'm mad at her because of the last run I took her on and the size of the blister on my hand from her dang leather leash. Maybe if I stop being mad at her I'll take her along on one of my runs... but no commitment here.