Still running... just not blogging...

Hello there. I've been a serious slacker in the blogging department, I know. It's such a disappointment when I pop over to other blogs and the posts are old, and I've already read them, and now, I'm so that person. But, I'm going to try not to be anymore... it's just that I've decided that if I have time to run, I really don't have too much time to blog... oye- a vicious cycle. Anyway, back to running! Update on my goals:

Mileage: I actually have been doing really well! My weekly mileage is averaging between 12 and 15 miles thanks to my new commitment to get in at least one hour long run each week. That's a solid 7 miles and has really helped to boost my weekly totals! I've been really lucky to have my good pal Ange to thank for getting me out of the 4 mile rut... with our long conversations 6 to 7 miles flies by and we feel so great afterward (mentally and physically)! Rob is pretty sure she is my therapist...

I have been putting in some QT with the big BOB and my two kiddos as well. With this amazing weather I've been loading them up and we've been hitting the road! As intimidated as I was to run with it, I'm so pleased with the handling and maneuverability. I would recommend it to ANYONE who has two little ones and wants to run, although it's quite an investment, it's so worth it! The huge sun shade completely covers Evan's sensitive baby skin, while Averie keeps her side up because she "wuvs the wind, Mommy!" I have to admit though that pushing the stroller in the wind is hard, hard, hard! Last week there was a time I was almost going backward the wind was blowing so hard...

Enter and train for a race: Three weeks ago Rob and I entered and ran the Run Rocklin 12K. We did really well! Rob finished about 20 seconds before I did... I think he drafted off of me for the last 1/2 of the race though, saving his energy to finish stronger! Whatever! We had a great time, finishing in about 1:04. I came in 10th in my age group... seriously! I might feel a half marathon coming on again, but not quite yet. I'm going to start looking for a good one... not just one that I'm so so about. SO, if you know of any great ones, preferable local... I'm game and taking suggestions!

Do Cindy: Eeh... still not doing great on this goal... this might be loosely correlated to my continuous battle with 3-5 lbs.... (as are my great weaknesses of late- warm chocolate chip cookies and vanilla ice cream with Hershey's syrup!) I did Cindy once in the last 2 weeks- I was sore for 3 days. My legs. My butt. My back. Not my abs- I didn't even do the sit ups. Dang. Writing it all down really makes me see that I should just do it. Once I get Evan to nap when Averie does I really am going to start doing this. I can spare 45 minutes... my house CAN be a little messier... we are talking about my overall health and fitness, right?!? Ok- so next time you see me, ask me the last time I did Cindy, please... help me be accountable!

I've heard from a couple of people that there are actually people besides my dad and my cousin reading this blog... thank you! For those of you who are new runners, or runners trying to get back into it, let me know! I would love to offer up some encouragement... I can be a pretty good cheerleader. I am not the most fit or disciplined person, but I know what it's like to try to lose baby weight, and to be a nursing mom who has to maintain a pretty solid calorie base so I can continue to feed my child! I think I've found a good balance (unless I go to Dos Coyotes, then I'm not so balanced for that day!), and I am so willing to share what I do.

Goals for this week:
1. Get in one run before Rob goes to work.
2. DO CINDY!
3. Look for a 1/2 marathon to train for, post a training schedule!

The wrong direction.... sigh.

Ok, so. I started this blog to chronicle my journey to getting back in shape. I must say that so far it's been going pretty smooth... the running was coming back relatively easily, the weight was coming off, the energy was getting back to normal levels (even though I haven't slept a full night yet...)-- until now. I got on the scale last night and I've GAINED WEIGHT... WHAT??? 3 lbs according to my bathroom beast. UUGGHHHHH, the little red marker that notes my weight is only supposed to move the other way. That sucks. So, last night as I was feeding Evan I was thinking about why... and this is what I've come up with.

1. First and foremost... I've been eating A LOT. Ultimately, weight loss boils down to calories burned are greater than calories consumed. I think that I've been lulled into a false sense of weight loss bliss because of nursing. I CAN NOT eat whatever I want... I can not eat cookies all day long... I can not eat an entire Dos burrito... I can not eat a Habit Burger with cheese... no- not if I want to lose the rest of this weight. (Plus the three I just gained...).

2. I've been distracted. I didn't meet my goals last week, which is a total bummer. I only ran 9 miles (I did take the dog out though), I didn't do Cindy, and I didn't even have the motivation to look for a race to train for. This makes me mad at myself. Why didn't I accomplish these goals I set for myself? Not that these are excuses, but this is what contributed to my delinquency: Averie had an ear infection- which meant even less sleep than I usually get on Monday and Tuesday. I was busy, or at least I felt busy... doing what, I don't exactly know. I felt the need to thoroughly clean my house. I was STRESSED, which makes me really mad, because running generally helps to keep my stress level down... but worrying about finances, work, etc., really had me feeling overwhelmed.

3. I think I was a little depressed. Since it turned to March, I've been thinking about how it's already been a year since my Noni died. Truthfully, I have not fully let myself think about her being gone because I've been slightly emotional (given the huge hormonal fluctuations I've had...) since she died. So, now it's been a year, I haven't even been out to visit her and I'm still not ready... and it just makes me blue. Running usually helps me through the blues, when they set in-- although I would say that I'm mostly a yellowish-greenish kinda person. Running makes me feel better mentally and physically-- but I have to have the motivation to get out there and make myself better. It's what works for me.

And I just haven't had the motivation, but I HAVE to get it back... I have to force it back. Make myself a priority, because I will not be happy if the first 10 days of March turn into the first 20 days of March which could easily turn into the month of March.... ugh.

Today was a good start. I met my dad in Davis and we went for a run, 3.5ish miles with one stop in the middle so Averie could pet the horses. I did Cindy on Monday and wasn't super sore... so that's good news for me-- although I didn't do any of the abs... and I'm already planning my next run. Hopefully before I head back to work next Wednesday (I took on two days per week for the next 3 months... wish me luck!) I'll have gotten rid of these extra 3 lbs and then I'll only have to focus on the remainder of the baby weight.......

Goals for this week:
1. Run 10 miles
2. Do Cindy (again?)
3. Find a race to train for... for real this week!

I've left out a dog centered goal for this week. I'm mad at her because of the last run I took her on and the size of the blister on my hand from her dang leather leash. Maybe if I stop being mad at her I'll take her along on one of my runs... but no commitment here.

Weekend Warrior.

What a beautiful weekend! Sure, it started with rain. And wind. But it ended with sunshine, lots and lots of sunshine, and I enjoyed SO much of it out running, 11 miles to be exact!

The week wasn't great- I had lots of baggage to carry on my runs, but the more I ran, the lighter that baggage got. Did I get it all figured out, no. But do I feel much better, yes. Thank you, running. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Friday afternoon, before the rain, but not before the wind, I headed out for a run. I wasn't sure how far I was going to go, I just needed to go. After 1 mile directly into the wind (have I mentioned I HATE running in the wind??) I turned the corner-- literally and figuratively-- and had the wind directly at my back... it might as well have been pushing me along. The next three miles were great. I ran negative splits. I made some decisions. And 15 minutes after I got home, it poured outside.

Saturday, just as the skies began to clear up, I went out again. This time I took the D-O-G. Now, my dog isn't like Lassie... she doesn't talk, or listen for that matter. She isn't that dog that trots alongside her owner either. My dog bolts- fairly routinely- and can run upwards of 20 miles per hour. So, you may ask, why did I take her running?? Good question. Because we got her to be my running dog-- and I have been a REALLY BAD DOG OWNER. She is a dog made for activity and she has been made to lay around our house for the last 3 years, due to pregnancies and me needing to get back into shape. So... now it's time to start taking her out again, and somehow try to train her to run with me... not pull me. We went out for a brisk 3 miler... she was on the leash the entire time, and we were both tired at the end. Me, because of all of the extra energy I exerted trying to keep her next to me. Her, because she pulled so hard, so long, that she cut off most of her own air supply for a lot of the run. I've decided that I'll take her out again once the blisters on my hands from the leash heal...

And then today... Rob and I had a GREAT run! I haven't been out for a run with my honey in over a year. We went out this morning, sans the kiddos, for a quick 4 miles before our day of chores around the house started. When we first started dating we ran together all the time, then, life got more hectic, and we have to work out separately in order to work out at all. So, today was a treat. We chatted, and ran, and enjoyed each other for approximately 35 minutes. I guess that's enough... well, it's at least it's a start...

This week I ran 13.75 miles! Tonight, my legs are TIRED. My shins are aching, my quads are tired, I'm walking a little more slowly than I usually get around... I'm wondering how long my recovery will take. And, I'm thinking that I need to have a little more long term goal. I don't want to lose the 10 mile per week goal, but I want to add a longer distance goal. I think I'll start poking around for a 10K, or maybe even a half coming up... hummmmmmm.

Goals for this week:
1. Run 10 miles
2. Do Cindy- for real this week
3. Take Pippa out once
4. Look for a race to train for

nice husband...

It's been one of those days... all week. Today is only Thursday, but I feel like it should be next Tuesday. One of those kind of weeks. Before I even got pregnant with Evan, I knew that I would likely not return to work after baby number 2. I mean, really, you have to make some serious cash to pay for 2 kiddos in daycare full time, it just wouldn't be worth it. Not to mention the heart wrenching agony I was in the first few weeks back to work after Averie was born. So, I knew this day, these days, were coming. The day I'd have to give my two weeks. The day I'd have to clean out my little cubie. The day I'd become a full time mom. I've been looking forward to it since those first few days back to work after Averie... so WHAT IS MY PROBLEM NOW???

I know what part of it is, well lots of parts, I guess. The first part... it's freakin' scary. I've had a job, and a paycheck, since I was 16. Had money to play with, go out to dinner with, piddle away on Starbucks and pedicures. My income has been our cushion, and now we've decided to let that go. Ultimately, this is the easiest part to accept. I am actually kind of having fun finding ways to save money, and Averie is loving all of the time playing outside and going to the park!

The second part... what in the world will I talk about?? The other night Rob was telling me all about work stuff. Venting, bouncing ideas, thinking out loud. And though I was there in body... not so much in mind. All I could think about was what am I going to talk about??? Don't get me wrong, I have BUSY days, but one can only talk about the park and play group and lunch time so much before it just becomes boring... to everyone involved. This makes me slightly nervous for the long term. I know that people do it everyday, stay home with their kids, and remain smart... I'm just afraid I wont. So, subscription to the newspaper to stay current on what's happening in the world... possibly in my future. Anyone else has a suggestion... let me know... I'll be a good listener.

The third part... and most difficult to accept... is that nothing seems to be going as I thought it would with my (former) employer. It just really makes me sad. I've loved my job for the past almost 4 years now, my job is the reason I went back to work after Averie was born, and now it seems that I was just another employee. Sure, I'm leaving on good terms. They said they'd hire me back. But it just seems that people I've been around more than anyone else for the past 4 years are like, see ya. Let us know when you'll be in to pack up your stuff. Ouch. I can't seem to shake the just got dumped feeling. And this brings me back to running.

Rob's had a lot going on at work, it's been awful weather, Evan- for some reason- has stopped sleeping for periods longer than an hour, even at night... all factors contributing to my lack of miles this week. But I need to run. I need to have time to just let all of my thoughts boil up and then to leave them out there. I need to just get it out. And Rob can tell. So yesterday, after I slept in later than I wanted to (see above reason for being tired), and started crying when I thought I'd missed my chance to get in a run before Rob went to work, he said he'd drop Makena off at school and then come home for a bit so I could get in a couple of miles. And he did. And I did.

I didn't go far, just a little over 2 miles, but I ran fast, and angry, and started to get some of this off of my chest... or the bottoms of my shoes... you know what I mean. I haven't run nearly enough miles to feel like I can take a deep breath about it yet, but I'm on my way. I love running for that. I love my honey for knowing that about me.

I read Michelle's blog today, 10 things that make you happy (http://www.giveagirlafig.blogspot.com/). I think maybe I should focus on this for a little while... because life isn't always like today... Here are my 10...

Evan's smile when he sees me walk in the room

Averie's little hand making the sign for I love you

Running in the rain

Cake plates

Waking up to the smell of coffee

Ranucculas

Napping on the beach

Wine

Big family dinners

A clean house

Back on track (trail or road...)

Literally and figuratively, I guess. We're linked in again, a necessity for those who chose to blog, especially when one doesn't want to pay the $3.99 fee Starbucks charges to tap into the internet waves there. So, obstacle one: status overcome.

Now, for obstacle two, the motivation to run my miles. This has been a rocky road (pun totally intended... yes, I'm that corny) over the past two weeks. Like I mentioned last post, this blog-- somehow-- has kept me accountable in my running. Knowing that I have that goal of 10 miles per week, out there... somewhere in cyberspace... to be viewed by roaming eyes... has kept me thinking that someone might actually care if I don't make my goal. So, against all odds, I made my 10 miles (actually 11) with a great 4 mile run with my dad on Valentine's Day. What started out as a slow week, miles wise, ended great with a weekend full of running in the sun and enjoying it.

And then there was last week and the realization that, even though I can breeze through 4 miles now, I AM NOT IN SHAPE. Seriously. After that great run with my dad on Valentine's Day, my legs were tired, so I took Monday off as a rest day. I usually have 3-4 "rest" days per week anyway, so tired legs were a great reason to take it easy on Monday. Tuesday I thought about running, but was still milking my 4 miler on Sunday for another "day off." By Wednesday, however, I was thinking that maybe I should get moving, I mean my rear isn't going to fit itself back into my skinny jeans, right? Since I took Averie to day care that day, and Evan was taking an unusually long nap, I decided to get out one of my favorite work out videos... Cindy Crawford's New Dimension. A little history here... I had this work out originally on VHS- and wore it out. I acquired it sometime in college and have done it ever since, even though it is a post-baby-get-back-in-shape workout... whatever, details. So, now I have it on DVD-- after a long, hard hunt on Amazon. Pre-babies, I did this workout A LOT and Rob thinks it's hilarious that now that I've had babies I never do it... to which my response is, "before I had babies I had time to do this stupid workout....." Anyway, back to my story. Wednesday, since I had the time, I popped Cindy into the DVD player and got going with my chair, my deck of cards, and my 3 lb. weights. I made it through the upper body, cardio, lunges, and even the push-ups... but only got through about 1/2 of the ab workout before I could feel my scar burning. Seriously... it's been nearly 18 weeks since Evan was born... I've been running 10 miles a week for the past month and a half... I thought I was in shape... WRONG.

The 3 full days of soreness afterward only rubbed it in... I waddled just about every where I went thanks to all of the lunges and squats. I couldn't lift Averie without feeling every muscle in my upper body HATE me for Wednesday's workout, and oh... my abs. Coughing- ouch. Laughing- ouch, ouch. Sitting up in bed to feed Evan in the middle of the night- ouch, ouch, OUCH. I am not in shape.

By Friday, I was up for a run, 3 miles that actually made me feel better and less sore than when I started (yay!). And Saturday, another amazing 4 miles on the trail with my dad. I tell you what, running with my dad is really great. I just enjoy it. I love chatting as we run along. I love the bits of advice he gives as we head out or back. I love that he listens to my issues (I don't think most girls have that with their dads and I know I'm lucky). Sunday, "rest" day. Total mile count for last week: 7.1.

So, I may not have gotten in my 10 miles last week, but I did Cindy... and oye. Goals for this week include:
1. Back up to 10 miles
2. Do Cindy once... maybe
3. Increase my water consumption

I'll update along the way so I don't have to do massive blogs. I'm finding that I don't get to use all of the catchy titles I think of when I'm running when I only post once per week... :)

Accountability...

Mileage count for last week: A whopping 12.5! WOO HOO! How did I get there? Let me tell you, because all of those miles weren't a walk in the park to say the least (literally) . Saturday, I ran 3.5 miles, into the wind, pushing the BOB-- with Averie in it. I might as well have been running with a parachute on. That was a TOUGH run. Seriously. But- the bonus was that I felt pretty good after I was done. Bonus to the bonus (hi Jenna!)- I read in one of my parenting magazines that pushing the stroller while exercising burns 20% more calories. So... worth the miles of misery? Yes.

That left 1.5 miles for Sunday. Superbowl Sunday. Could I do it?? Sure I could... with the help of my dad, I blew that 1.5 miles out of the water! We went for a pregame 4 miler... with Averie and the BOB (yes, he pushed...)! It was a BEAUTIFUL day, the kind of day that makes it easy to run... when you have the right company. :) The best part of running on a day like Superbowl Sunday... being able to eat without guilt, which we did.

Which brings me to this week, and my lack of blog posting. I am currently experiencing a bit of an Internet connectivity hiccup... so I'm playing catch up here. But, aside from being completely annoyed while answering all emails on my Blackberry, I'm finding that writing this blog has been keeping me accountable... to myself... and to the two or three of you who may be reading it. In reflection, this blog is serving two purposes for me:

1. A running journal. I used to do this when I was training for my first marathon. It was so gratifying to see the mileage total at the end of a week. Read about my good runs... and my bad... and know that if I skipped a day, or didn't meet my weekly mileage that there was record of it. Inadvertently, this has become that.

2. A creative outlet/ mileage booster. For me, thinking about what I'll write while I run has become a way to pass the time, and therefore it's been helping me to meet my weekly mileage goals. I'm setting them, you're reading them... someone might just ask if I've made 10 miles this week... or what else I'm challenging myself to do... or something.

So this week... Tuesday afternoon: 2.5 miles. That leaves 7.5 for this weekend. It's supposed to be beautiful. Rob and I are planning to run tomorrow morning... our first run with our two babies and the BEAST (a monster of a stroller... the double BOB!!). I'll be calling to get a new Internet provider tomorrow as well, so hopefully by the end of the weekend I'll be back in business.

Motivated to run through writing, who would have ever thought that's how it would work out?

Goal for this week... 10 miles and a new Internet provider... wish me luck!

Bottom line-

I need a cup of coffee before I go for a run. Seriously. These early morning runs before Rob goes to work- while good for the weekly mileage- are really rough on my morale. Mostly because I haven't been getting up early enough to have a cup of coffee before I go, so I haven't had enough fuel to get me through, so they haven't been good runs. Lesson: go to bed early... get up early... have coffee before you run.

The thing is, I should know this about myself. I'm not one of those girls who can skip a meal or exercise and not eat, I must have food. I need to keep my blood sugar in "functional" mode, or else the beast comes out. She is not nice. She does not have patience, for herself or for others. She does not go far... literally. I did not blog about Tuesday morning's 2 miler because I really didn't have many nice things to say. I was tired, I was stiff, I was WAY over dressed, and I only went two miles. EERGH. So, I went with the old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Well, here I am. It's Thursday, I got in 3 miles this morning and it wasn't much better, aside from not being over dressed today, the rest was the same. I was about half way done and I could feel myself going from ok to needing food-- NOW. I started getting irritated at the drivers who rolled the stop sign... and it's not like I was waiting to cross- I was 100 yards away. I started getting irritated at the amount of DOG POOP on the SIDEWALK-- come on people of West Sac, pick up after your dogs! And though all of that, all I could think was that I should have just waited the extra 10 minutes, had a little coffee and shot for 2 instead of 3 miles. Why didn't I do that?? I know why, I was thinking that if I got in 3 today I'd have 3 days to get in 5... lessen the pressure on myself knowing that another storm is on the way in. Well... I logged the miles... I just hope they were worth it.

ENOUGH WHINING. I just read what I've been writing. Please, tell me to shut up! The miles were worth it. The run, though not great, wasn't HORRIBLE. There is a lesson here... So, now I know. I knew before too, but it's fresh in my head. The bottom line is that I need a little something before I go-- even if it's just a cup of coffee. I'm a much happier runner when I take a little time to prepare myself, I feel better and I go farther. I think next week's goals will have something to do with bedtimes... it all seems to be interrelated... hummmmmmm. Something to think on.